December 30, 2006
okay, okay
Okay, I'll rephrase that.
I'll probably end up like Rosie Dunne, minus the baby at age seventeen (because I'm seventeen and I WOULD NOT WANT A BABY IN THE NEAR FUTURE, thank you.) and the I-love-my-best-friend-and-I'll-only-tell-him-after-50-short-years (First and foremost because I do not have a guy bestfriend whom I was with since I was five years old). Although I might end up like Rosie Dunne blurting out her feelings only after 50 years. Of course I hope that doesn't happen.
So I probably have to have the guts to tell my crushes and the guys I will like or love that I like or love them. Okay, that sounded redundant. And not to mention, impossible. Oh God, can I be more pathetic? I can't even ask the name of my crush and he's been the apple of my eye or whatsoever for more than a year now.
Okay, so I can be more pathetic than pathetic.And I don't even know the reason why I can't say it. No no, I am not afraid of rejection. Frankly, I really am someone who does not show a lot of emotion. I just can't seem to get it out of me. When I'm sad, it doesn't look like I'm sad. When I care for them, I do not know how to show I care for them. You get me. The only feeling I seem to show best is anger. Oh and irritability, annoyance... Whatever.
I guess I was just not used to showing my emotions. Hmmm...I wonder why. AND I KNOW I HAVE TO START SHOWING THEM. That would be one of my resolutions this year.
Going back to Rosie Dunne, I just finished the book. Yes, I'm such a freak. I just started reading it yesterday and I finished it today. I liked the ending (where Rosie and Alex FINALLY got to admit to each other they love each other and will have a chance to be together after half a century). What a waste of time. If they have admitted their feelings toward each other years before, then everything would have been better. They wouldn't have gone through series of marriages and divorces. Then again, the story won't be the same.
I found Alex's letter to Rosie so beautiful. Although I hope I won't be receiving such letter after 50 years and regretting half of my life like Alex and Rosie did. Oh well, here goes:
My dear Rosie,
Unbeknownst to you I took this chance before many, many years ago. You never received that letter and I'm glad because my feelings since then have changed dramatically. They have intensified with every passing day.
I'll get straight to the point because if I don't say what I'll have to say now, I fear it will never be said. And I need to say it.
Today I love you more than ever; tomorrow I will love you even more. I need you more than ever; I want you more than ever. I'm a man of fifty years of age coming to you, feeling like a teenager in love, asking you to give me a chane and love me back.
Rosie Dunne, I love you with all my heart, I have always loved you when I was seven years old and lied to you about falling asleep on Santa, when I was ten years old and didn't invite you to my birthday party, when I was eighteen and had to move away, even on my wedding days, on your wedding day, on christenings, birthdays, and when we fought. I loved you through it all. Make me the happiest man alive by being with me.
Please reply to me.
All my love,
Alex
hahaha
Had this conversation last night with Leonard. Ang corny corny talaga, sobra.
him: oi nakita ko bf mo..si ****
him: kalaro p nga namin sa dota
me: YUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY KADIRI KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. hahahaha
him: bakit? kilig ba?
me: yuck yuck yuck pwede ba? kinamumuhian ko un hahaha
him: hahha knamumuhian bat nmn?
mukha nmn mabait kaso..sa 22o lng..la sya kwenta sa dota
me: baket ko kinamumuhian? MAYABANG KASI UN ay teka...ano meron kay **** at sa kanyang dota? HAHAHA
him: ha? uuy curious
me: ndi noh. mayabang kasi un. pag nag nenet shop ako tas nakakasabay ko sya..tas nag ddota sya ang ingay ingay nun sobra.
tas ssbhin pa nia "wala! nagtatago ka lang naman eh!" yabang. kala mo naman
him: bka ngpapasikat sau
me: yuck. EWWWW. asa naman. si *** gusto nun. tssss
him: ahaha ayaw mo rw kasi sya pansinin
me: hhahaha. ayoko sknia. kadiri
him: ahaha bat alam mo?
me: YUCK. YUCK TALAGA. ang ano alam ko?!
him: kung sno gusto nya. curiouuussssssssssss
me: DUH. kasi sinabi niya sakin. DUH. hahahaha. ang tagal na kaya nun
him: ahaha nung super close p kau?
me: hindi naman kami naging close noh. yucky. hahahaha nung nag uusap pa kami. DI NGA TALAGA. hahaha. kausap ko lang un dti sa phone. tsssss walang pinatutunguhan pag uusap namin.
him: ayeee. dyan nguumpisa yan..sa fone
me: YUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. once lang un. ok, twice. YUCK talaga.
him: wooo once daw. ayun inamin dn. ahahah oi naalala ko lng..maingay mglaro ung ****? hmm la nga sya kwenta eh
me: si ****? oo kaya! grabe pa un magmura noh. kala mo hari ng net shop. kaya nga ko inis na inis dun. feeling naman nia. yuck. hahaha hearthrob daw ng *****.utang na loob. kapit bahay ko palang walang wala na sya. hahahaha
him: na rob nmn heart mo?
me: YUCK. ang corny nun ah hahahahaha Ayeen scribbled her way at7:25 PM
December 29, 2006
love, love and more love
I am in love with the idea of love.
So kill me. HahaI've been reading love stories and love novels; watching love koreanovelas, chinovelas, and what-not; etcetera etcetera. I know, I know, I'm such a loser. I get kilig over other people's love stories (probably because I don't have my own) and get hang-overs over the characters. Oo na nga, ako na nga 'yung loser.
People love to love. We all have so much to love to give to each other. And I am not just speaking about romantic love. Love in general. If only we can convert the love we have into doing other things to be able to help other people, the world would just be a better place to live in.
noooooo
I'll probably end up like Rosie Dunne. Or maybe even worse because I don't have someone-like-Alex guy. HAHA Ayeen scribbled her way at8:09 PM
December 26, 2006
loner
Loner ang drama ko nung Thursday. Awww Pero masaya!Yeah. I didn't expect that being a loner once in a while would be such fun. I went to SM Sta. Rosa last Thursday to buy gifts for people. Mela, Karina and Miki were supposed to meet up with me at around 10.00 am. But they were able to go there at around 1.30 pm na. So, as they say, the rest is history.
I've never been alone when I went out. I've alwways had people accompany me. I never liked being alone. Of course, being alone meant no one to talk to and probably looking like an idiot. But last Thursday, I found out that it was actually fun. Hmmm... In a weird way, I liked it. I was able to take my time and didn't have to worry about taking so long to be able to pick the gifts I wanted to buy. It was peaceful and quiet. haha
Being a loner isn't so bad after all. I mean, spending time with yourself once in a while is great. At least, it was for me. I had fun just observing people and walking around the mall, going everywhere, making fun of everyone and everything around and not having to think of another person and what he/she would like to do or where to go next. Not that I don't want to go out with people anymore. That would drive me nuts. Once in a while would always do.
Maligayang Pasko!
Kamusta naman ang naging Pasko ninyo?
Ayos naman ang naging Pasko ko. Nakumpleto ko ang simbang gabi! Unang beses kong nagawa 'yun. Natutuwa naman ako. Hindi ko nga lang siya nakita. Awwww. Pero ayos lang! Haha Ano naman, 'di ba? Sa siyam na gabi kong nagsimba, himala na nga lang at kahit noong mga huling araw ay may napakinggan pa rin naman ako sa sermon ng pari. Kahit madalas ay medyo lumilipad na ang utak ko sa sobrang pagaka monotonous at kainip-inip na pananalita ng nagsesermon. Eh ganun naman talaga siya, hindi pa ko nasanay.
Nagluto ako para sa Noche Buena. Syempre masarap 'yung kinalabasan, ako pa! Haha Masarap ang Noche Buena. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung bakit pero hindi na kami umaabot ng alas-dose sa pag Nonoche-buena. Wala pang alas-onse, kumakain na kami at nagbukas na ng regalo. Pagdating ng alas-dose, tulog na 'yung lola ko. Kami ng kapatid ko, na sa kwarto na. Pero gising pa naman. Kaso, 'yun nga, nakaka-inip.
Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit, taon-taon, lumalala ang Pasko sa amin. Nakaka walang gana. Walang ginagawa, tahimik. Tsss.
Samantalang 'yung mga kapitbahay namin, ang iingay. Sa amin, nakaka-inip. Paskong nakaka-inip. Kamusta naman 'yun, di ba?Kahapon naman, pumunta kami Seven Corners para kumain. Buffet. Haha Kain naman kami. Syempre punta agad ako sa Japanese section. Haha Ang tagal nga namin doon eh. Mula 12.00 pm hanggang 2.30 pm, may mga kumakain pa sa amin. Ayos lang, Pasko naman. Pagkatapos ay pumunta kami sa Podium. May nabili ako sa Kids of Bayo. Hanep, Kids of Bayo, size 14. Haha Ayos.
Kasama namin si Anika kahapon. Ang kulit! Malaki na siya. Sobrang likot! Pero cutie pa rin! Haha
Salamat!
Salamat sa lahat ng bumati ng Maligayang Pasko sa akin! Pati sa Cavite Young Writers, salamat! (Hanep kasi pagbati eh, "Renee, maligayang pasko sa iyo! Sana ay maging matulain ang araw na ito!") Haha Napa ngiti tuloy ako. Salamat!
December 21, 2006
hugs and kisses, plus tears and misses
We had our Christmas Party yesterday in school. It was different from what we usually have. No institutional program. Everyone just celebrated in their own classrooms and had their own prgrams. Frankly, it was more meaningful. I found it the BEST Christmas Party we ever had. I don't know. Maybe it's because it's our last together (awwww.
) or maybe it was because it was more intimate, we were able to spend more time with each other on our last Christmas together as batch 2007. (*sniff sniff*)We had this peace activity. We needed to make 2 peace symbols by making paper origami and 2 letters (1 for the person we wanted to thank and another for the person we wanted to say sorry to for any reason) and give them out. When it was time for everyone to give out the symbols and the letters, everyone started getting teary eyed and started to cry. Tears were just flowing out of their eyes. I didn't cry though. I never did. Na-iinggit nga ako kasi gusto ko rin umiyak. haha
Hey, but it doesn't mean that I didn't get touched by the letters given to me. I got four. Hmmm..two thank you's and 2 sorry's. I wasn't expecting the other thank you and the other sorry. I find it so weird. Joan gave me a thank you letter and actually told me I inspire her.
I never thought I'd inspire anyone. I was touched by what she told me through the letter. It made me so happy that I could actually be in the lives of other people; that I can leave a mark on their lives. I've never thought of it that way. I mean, yes, I've always wanted that to happen and I've seen it happen in movies and have read it in books, but I never thought it could happen in real life. That without me knowing it, I touch other people's life even by doing simple things. I never knew that even the little things I do would have an impact on other people's lives. It's so... overwhelming.
So yesterday was our last Christmas party together. Next year would be so different. We would be in our respective colleges. Mikee would be in the US. It's sad if we think about it. We have around 3 months left to be together and then after which, we will be apart after 4 years of being together. It's going to be so hard to let go of these people whom I was with during my highschool years. They're the best people I was with. And who knows? We are well-bonded now but will we still be the same after we've parted?
I guess that's pretty much what I'm afraid of, that one day, when we cross paths, we won't even know each other anymore. Though I hope it does not happen. But what if it does, right?
Next Christmas, I won't be shopping for 36 gifts anymore. I won't be telling other people not to go to Papemelroti because it's where I bought their gifts. I won't be seeing people dress up the same. It just wouldn't be the same.
Tears were poured out yesterday as it finally got to our minds that Mikee won't be here next year. She will be miles and miles away from us and who knows when we're going to see her next? She's going to a different world and take 2 more years of highschool as we go on to college. Next year, we won't be hearing "Maglalaslas na ako!" every single day. But it is going to happen and we need to be prepared. 3 months will be gone shortly and we need to be ready to move forward. We've done our part and we became who we were supposed to be in the past 4 years. It's time to move on.
I just hope that no matter how long it takes for us to be together again, the bond that we have for each other will never change.
Merry Christmas Batch 2007!
I finally have a lead
Rejoice rejoice! Someone's finally going to help me know anonymous' name and number! Yay! I've been conspiring Joseph and his cousin (who, conincidentally, is a sacristan) to know who anonymous is. Joseph's cousin daid he knows anonymous by face but doesn't know him personally. He'll ask daw his name an number the next time they meet. haha Joseph also told me that he'll even ask Gabby about anonymous. Woohoo! Rejoice recjoice!
Ayeen scribbled her way at9:09 AMDecember 19, 2006
sa bansa ng simbang gabi at puto bumbong
Iba talaga ang Pasko sa Pinas. Alam niyo bang sa Pinas lang mayroong simbang gabi? Astig 'di ba? Sa Pilipinas rin lang mayroong mga parol na may nagsasayawang ilaw. Puto bumbong at bibingka pagkatapos ng simbang gabi, sa Pinas rin lang meron niyan.Pilipinas na nga marahil ang mayroong pinaka masayang pagdiriwang ng Pasko. Kahit nga tag-hirap na ang mga tao dito, kapag Pasko, hindi mo masasabing walang pera ang mga tao. Bili dito, bili doon ng mga regalo para sa nanay, tatay, kuya, ate, bunsong kapatid, lolo, lola, pinsan, pamangkin, tito, tita, kapitbahay, inaanak, kamag-aral, guro, kaibigan...lahat. Makikitang siksikan sa mga mall (lalo na kapag sale), Divisoria, Baclaran, Greenhills, at kung sosyal ka, Greenbelt, ATC, at Powerplant. Meron na ring Vente, laos na ang 99 Peso Store. Pero kahit saan, makikitang punong-puno pa rin ang mga tindahan.
Mahirap na nga daw ang buhay. Pero papapigil ba naman si Juan dela Cruz? Di yata! Magkaubusan na ng pera, basta may maibibigay lang na regalo sa lahat. Kahit 3 for 100 lang 'yan, eh ano naman, sabi nga, "it's the thought that counts." Nakakatuwang isipin na sa tuwing darating ang Pasko, hindi iniisip ng mga Pilipino ang kanilang mga sarili. Oo, siguro meron pa rin namang magsasabi na mas magandang gumasta para sa sarili at meron pa rin namang magrereklamo sa dami ng gagastusin para sa mga bibigyan ng regalo. Aba, kung ganoon rin lang pala, eh 'di huwag k nang bumili ng regalo. 'Di ba? Simple lang naman 'yun eh. Kung hindi galing sa puso, huwag na lang. Mararamdaman at mararamdaman rin 'yun ng pagreregaluhan mo.
Maingay rin sa Pinas kapag Pasko. May nagpapaputok at maririnig at malalakas na musika na galing sa radyo. 'Yung tipong nakaka tanggal ng tutuli. Pero masaya. Nakaranas na akong magPasko sa ibang bansa. Bleh. Walang binatbat. Tahimik. Parang hindi Pasko. Malungkot. Ibang-iba sa Pasko natin. Wala kang makikitang mga palamuting naka sabit sa bahay (Maliban na lang kung pupunta ka sa mga lugar na pasyalan ng ibang dayuhan. Doon lang may mga Christmas lights.) Walang magkakapit-bahay na nagbabatian. Walang mga paputok. Walang mga tambay sa kanto. WALA. Sa Pinas lang meron niyan. At dito sa Pinas, ang Noche Buena ay mula Misa de Gallo ng bisperas ng Pasko hanggang sa halos sikatan ka na ng araw sa araw mismo ng Pasko.
Kumbaga, sa Pinas, kinacareer ang Pasko. At bakit nga naman hindi? Ang Pasko ang kapanganakan ni Hesus, dapat naman talagang magsaya. Dapat isipin ang ibang tao bago sa sarili. Ang Pasko ang tanging panahon kung saan ang mga Pilipino ay nagkakaisa. Maliban sa mga laban ni Pacquiao. Tuwing Pasko, tigil putukan ang NPA at Abu Sayaff laban sa mga Militar. Tuwing Pasko,may mga ngiti sa labi ng bawat isa. Tuwing Pasko, magandang mamigay sa mga kapos-palad, sa mga taong nahihigitan natin.
Tuwing Pasko, tuwing Pasko, tuwing Pasko. Ito naman ang problema sa atin. Parang naibubuhos na ang lahat tuwing Pasko at pagkatapos nito ay balik nanaman sa dati. Wala nanamang pakialam sa kapwa tao at iniisip nanaman ang sarili kaysa iba. Ganito na talaga yata si Juan dela Cruz. Sana maisip mo, Juan, na ang Pasko ay araw-araw. Gasgas na 'yang kasabihan na 'yan ngunit totoo. Disyembre 25? Date lang 'yan. Walang saysay ang Pasko kung tuwing ika-25 lang ng Disyembre natin bubuhayin ang diwa ng Pasko. Buhay si Hesus. Araw-araw ay Pasko. Dapat ugaliin na panatilihin ang ating mga "asal-Pasko" buong taon.
Isipin mo, bakit ba tuwing Pasko lang tayo nagkakaroon ng puto bumbong? Hindi ba maaaring magluto nito kapag Mayo? Mag-iiba ba ang lasa nito kapag buwan ng Abril? Bakit hindi nagsisindi ng mga Parol kapag hindi Pasko? Hindi ba iilaw ito kapag Hunyo pa lang? Hindi ba kasing ganda ng mga gabi ng Disyembre ang mga gabi ng Agosto? At bakit nga ba tuwing Pasko lamang tayo natututong magbigay ng higit sa ating kapwa? Bakit nga ba tuwing Pasko lamang natin naiisip magpatawad? Bakit nga kaya?
Maligayang Pasko sa inyong lahat!
Ayeen scribbled her way at7:36 PMDecember 17, 2006
starting anew
First and foremost, I want to welcome you to my new blog!
I wanted to move to another blog not just because I got tired of the old one (yeah I did), but also because I wanted to start anew. If you've read the last post I've written in my past blog, I said that I wanted my love for writing to come back to me. I figured out that my old blog just wasn't the right one for me anymore. I knew it.
I've wanted to change my blog since before but I thought that I wanted to keep what was in my past blog. See, I've written so much things there and I just didn't want to let go of it. But I realized it's what kept me from writing. I held on too much on what was in there that I couldn't think of new things to write about. Yes, it's good to reminisce but there's also a time to move on; to step forward. And this is what I'm doing.
I've grown so much from who I was before, which includes my writing. This is a fresh start.
It feels so good!
Ayeen scribbled her way at1:39 PM
